I’m entering a contest to get a chance to be a social media “wine correspondent” http://www.areallygoodejob.com/. To enter, I need to make a one minute video about myself. Most of the videos are pretty lame, kind of a “this is why I’m qualified” routine. I’m doing a video with, of course, some music. I’ve got four mini-songs, but I only have room for three. Please vote for your least favorite song so I can finish making my video. By the way, I don’t expect to win, but I felt compelled to make a video because so many of the entries were lame. Hey, mine is going to be lame too, but a good kind of lame.

Click on the links below for the MP3s:
The Country Murphy-Goode Song

The Euro Murphy-Goode Song

The Hip Hop Murphy-Goode Song

The Rock Murphy-Goode Song

Let me also mention my idea for the sketch, which might help determine which one to axe. In the video, I’m going to be lamenting about what to do for my video. I’ll say “hey, I could do a song,” then it would cut to one of the mini-music videos. After the video a friend would be shaking her head like “dude, no way… that sucks.” So, I guess the least lame video should go.

When my boy had his third birthday, I thought I’d forgo hiring an entertainer and just do it myself. I procrastinated and procrastinated until there were just 10 days left. I finally sat down and realized that it wasn’t too hard to write songs for a three year old boy. First off, I wrote a song about my musical persona, Crash Lightning, with just two lines of lyrics. Piece of cake. Then I wrote a song about my kid and how he likes to poop. No brainer. The I wrote a Halloween themed song. Not too hard. Finally, I ripped off Metallica’s “Master of Puppets” and made my own version, “Master of Mischief.”

Okay, now I’ve got my daughter’s seventh birthday in just five days and I told her I would write some songs. Dude, seven-year-old girls are way more complicated than three-year-old boys! There’s the “High School Musical” obsession, the clothes obsession, the art obsession, the new earring obsession, and the draaaama. Gotta step up my game. My problem is I only have time to write one song, but I’m having trouble narrowing down the subject matter. Can anyone give me some advice? There’s something in it for you if you help.

Question:
The Dead Kennedys and Beck each dissed on the same major corporation in one of their songs. What’s the corporation and what are the song titles?

If you don’t know, you should still answer as creatively, stupidly, or boringly as possible. You still might be a winner.

To answer, simply comment on this post. Your comments will be held unpublished by me until I pick a winner, so you don’t have to worry about everyone seeing your answer.

Good luck…

The other day I asked a trivia question on Facebook: what artist sang the lyrics “focus on the quasar in the mist, the kaiser has a cyst, and I’m a blank want list the qualms you have and if they stick…” I offered to write a song and shoot a video for the person who gave me the correct answer. Tony Olsen answered correctly; the artist is Pavement.

Tony, I don’t know too much about you, but I think you’ll find the lyrics and video suited to your lifestyle and personality. Here are top ten things that I do know about you:

1. You went to high school with our mutual friend, Michael Cormier.
2. One of the handful of times we hung out, you hopped out of Michael’s beater station wagon in downtown San Francisco, grabbed a skateboard in the back, and chased down some random girl you thought was pretty, only to come back a minute later in defeat.
3. We were in Michael’s band “Milk Chopper”, but we never practiced or played together. Apparently you can still buy the CD and listen to songs on CD Baby: http://cdbaby.com/cd/milkchopper
4. You had long hair, then you had short hair, then you had long hair, then you had short hair.
5. You stick people with needles for a living.
6. You might have been in some gnarly car accident in high school with Michael, but those details are fuzzy.
7. You write in ALL CAPS on Facebook, and I’m pretty sure everywhere else too.
8. Your answer to my trivia question was: AND I M A BLANK ONE @@@ .. SO HIGH HO SILVER ROCK … DUN DUN NA NA NA NA NA 2 HIGH HO @@22 + SHIT NEXT CCHORUS LINE @@@ + I WANT A GODDAM SONG WRITTEN ABOUT MY PEE @
9. I’m pretty sure you wanted me to write a song about your pee.
10. Your favorite music is: “ANYTHING BEAUTIFUL AND CREATIVE”

Enjoy the song and possibly the worst music video ever made. Here are the lyrics:

CHORUS
Tony Testosteroni
Cures your egobronchophony
Needles in the epidermis
Got some green tea in your Thermos

BRIDGE
Oooh, I’m feelin’ mellow, island style
Mahalo yo
But Tony, we miss you in the bay
It’s just me and Cormier

And the song to download:
tonyo