There’s so many great things that go together: Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, Chocolate and Peanut Butter, 2006 Innocent Bystander Shiraz and LG Voyager phone for Verizon Wireless. Let’s focus on the later pair. They were both hot in their heyday, but have been hit hard by abuse and neglect. They both don’t work like they should and they’ll never recapture their former glory. Let’s examine this relationship further:

So yeah I know, the recession is bumming you out. You used to kick back in your office swigging Old Raj martinis and talking on your fancy PBX phone system, but now those opulent days are a distant memory. What do you do when you can’t lounge in the lap of luxury at work anymore? You get resourceful. That’s right! You get the best quality that no money can buy. Introducing Hiram Walker’s Kirschwasser and the GE Slimline corded telephone. You can get both of these office essentials for a total of $12.

This is the first of many recessionary tips to beat the bearish blues. You’ll have so much damn cash piled up in your underwear drawer from my money saving tips that you won’t know what to do with it. Plus, you’ll have tried things that you never thought were possible, like drinking Kirschwasser (say it with me now) by Hiram Walker straight out of the bottle while taking a business call on your $6 telephone. Erect the middle finger right in front of the DOW & NASDAQ tickers and jump on the money saving wagon with me.

This is a still shot of me trying to say “Kirschwasser.”